CHILDREN OF THE CORN (1984)

                                                             
Children of the Corn has a poster that totally sells the movie. The movie however fails to sell anything, not least of which the notion of a theocratic totalitarian society of children. This is easily the worst film CotF has touched thus far. It may be the worst for some time to come.

The film starts off with a clever, somewhat disturbing idea featuring kids mudering a cafe full of adults in the tiny town of Gatlan, NE. Somehow, the scene doesn't feel as though it was executed properly, but no matter as this is one of the few scenes the film has going for it. After this bloodbath, we flash forward 3 years.....

Enter Linda Hamilton and some guy from the 80's, a Seattle couple driving across the country for whatever reason. They smash an already dead kid with their car. Stunned, the 80's dude searches frantically for something, though we're never sure what. It is here that the creepiest sequence of the movie, turns out to be A DREAM. Yes, the most effective moment in this film doesn't really happen. Which makes me wonder how Linda Hamilton can so casually fall asleep within minutes of witnessing her boyfriend/husband/whateverthefuckheis, hit a small child with his car. This example is followed by false alarms GALORE. Trademark of a horror film short on ideas.

So eventually LH and CO., arrive in Gatlan, encounter a gang of kids bent on sacrificing them, save a couple of kids and during this we have to put up with the annoying voice of the child leader, Issac. His main assistant, (this douchebag kid who looks like the red haried mullet kid from T2) is the main antagonist and there is a rift between this character and Issac (ideaology differences) which brings me to another point. This (fuck it, I'm looking his name up) Malachai murders the lone adult with which the children do trade (they need his precious fuel) for no other reason than to create an overlong scene of suspense and up the body count for the gore hungry teens. A very serious flaw, I feel.

All in all, Children of the Corn is nothing that merits any in-depth review and any further talk of this inteligence insulting waste of $800,000 that somehow spawned six sequels, would just be trashtalk. One can only imagine how bad the sequels are. ONE AND A HALF STARS OUT OF FIVE.